Monday 7 November 2011

He was dead all along

Jeremy was feeling pretty sick yesterday and we were surprised to find our supply of Advil was all gone. All of us often get headaches, so painkillers is something we're all getting pretty used to having. We had to head into town (something we usually do not do) to resupply. The odd thing is that I'm sure we had at least two huge bottles of the stuff, but I guess I was wrong. I suppose someone might be hoarding them but I really hope not!

Also, Warren is limiting everyone's internet use. We already share the laptop, but Warren thinks we're all using it too much. He might have a point but he can be such a hard-ass sometimes!

Anyways... so! I started acting pretty weird. I was fighting with my parents often, got myself grounded, got a lot of my stuff taken away. I eventually did tell them about my anger over Danny and that I still talk to him. They didn't get as mad as I thought they would. They just seemed... frustrated about it. Perhaps they have guilt about it? I hope so.

Even after having almost everything fun taken away, I still rebelled. I kept going out with Miles or one of my friends after school when I wasn't supposed to. My sudden attitude change wasn't just for my parents, though. Nicole and Meagan eventually didn't want me around anymore because I would constantly snap at them for the stupidest things... I fought with Miles a lot too, more than ever before. I realize now that for most of it, I was being a total dick, but my mind just wasn't registering things right at the time. I'd say that around the beginning of April, Miles broke up with me, and I really had no friends left to hang out with. I stopped rebelling.

It was soon after that I started getting the hallucinations. Now wait, hallucinations?! Yes, but they were small at first. Sometimes, I would see the stalker with his Spider-Man hood in the corner of my eye. I would turn to him, and there would be nothing there. This would happen even if I was in my room, which was always quite a fright.

Spiders started appearing all over the place. At home, at school, everywhere. I would take a book off my bookshelf and there was a spider. I would open up a textbook and there was a spider. I would open up the refrigerator door and there was a big-ass spider. I would go into the bathroom and there would be a stupid Daddy Long Legs spider! That last one turned out to be real, though. I don't even think it's actually really a spider...

The thing is, even to this day, I can't tell if half the spiders I see are real or not. So yeah, I started getting a bit frightened of them.

Even my dreams were messed up. I would always relive that day where the stalker stood over me, but it would end up differently. He would take off his hood, revealing himself to either be Miles, or Danny, or someone else I knew. They would have this huge grin on their face and would just stare at me. Instead of eventually going away, I would instead find myself falling backwards, endlessly and endlessly...

It got worse.

The first instance of the really bad stuff was when I awoke from one of these dreams in a panicked sweat. There was no way I was going to fall back asleep anytime soon, so I went into the hall to make my way toward the bathroom. I tip-toed across the wooden floor (it was really cold at the time) and accidentally smacked my toe into the bathroom door. That stuff hurts, you know? So while I'm sitting there nursing my throbbing toe, I heard a scratching sound coming from downstairs. We didn't own any pets, so... I had no idea what it could have been. The idea of there being a mouse running around (or a spider) passed through my mind, but my curiosity demanded I check.

As soon as I made it down the stairs, I wish I hadn't have bothered. In the kitchen, covering the walls, the counters, the appliances... were spiders. Hundreds and hundreds (probably thousands) of spiders. I was so shocked, so utterly shocked at seeing this amount of spiders in my kitchen, that I just stood and stared dumbly at them all. Until they started moving toward me, that was. My screams was probably heard by everyone on the street. They started crowding around my feet as I stomped, kicked, and screamed at them.

I'm not sure how long it lasted, but they all went away once my parents appeared. Just a "Jemma?", and they were gone in an instant. My dad then grabbed me, started asking what was wrong. I had no idea what I could say to either of them. I simply began to cry.

When I calmed down, I eventually told them about the hallucination, for I had no other excuse to give. All the anger and fighting of the past few weeks seemed to drain away as we talked. They tried to get me to open up, to tell them what was wrong. The only problem was that I had no idea why this was happening! I couldn't just say I thought some guy in a Spider-Man sweater was turning me crazy. They tried to search for issues that just weren't there. Are you having issues at school? Is someone hurting you? Did something happen with your boyfriend? I had nothing to really say.

So, they looked into getting a therapist. Honestly, I thought it was probably for the best.

I think I should mention that since being where I am now, I haven't had anything like that happen. Sure, I see a spider sometimes that doesn't turn out to be there, but thankfully that is the extent of my current madness.

I need to check on Jeremy.

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