Dedicated to my Surly Brother

Well.

My name is Jemma Hanes. I have a brother named Daniel Hanes. Or, at least, had. I also had some misguided but loving parents. A boyfriend. A couple of really good friends.

What I had was a life.

I use the past tense because that is all in the past. A life long gone. That Jemma had a lot going for her. This one can barely get to sleep at night. I mean, I now have some really great guardians and stuff, but it's impossible to ignore what has been lost.

I'm not like my brother or his friend. I wasn't stalked by some strange creature or whatever. At least not the one they were dealing with, I don't think. No, my stalkers were usually more of the human kind. Not exactly normal humans, I guess. You could probably call them horrifically eccentric?

It started about a year ago. My 11th school year had recently started, and I had just started dating a boy I'd known for like... a year. His name was Miles, but I called him Milo because it was my stupid little pet name. Anyway, after a bit I started to get the notion that some guy was following me. Now, back then, I wouldn't say I was the paranoid type. I just kept seeing the guy when I walked to and from school. I knew because he had this really unmistakable Spider-Man sweater on every time. I'm pretty sure he wanted me to notice him, cus' why else would he be wearing the same thing every time?

No matter what, though, I never got a look at his face.

So, I told my friends and they thought it was silly. My boyfriend thought I was silly. I didn't want to believe it was a real stalker so I started thinking it was silly as well. Silly enough to start trying to catch the guy on camera and silly enough to avoid telling any adults about it.

Seriously, if maybe just one person didn't write me off, maybe I wouldn't be where I am right now.

Needless to say, I scrapped the whole thing pretty quickly. Miles kept telling me that I shouldn't be bothering with it and I was just having a frustrating time trying to edit video. I tried to get Miles to help me continue the project, but he just bitched and moaned until even I stopped caring.

Of course, that's when it got worse.

Such is life.

God, this is such a horribly depressing thing to write, honestly. The only reason I'm doing it is that I hope it catches the attention of my brother. Or someone that can help answer some of my questions, maybe. Of course, it may attract the wrong attention, too. However, that is a price I will have to pay.

A seventeen-year old such as myself really shouldn't be contemplating her death. I mean, I never planned on living past thirty but holy fuck, I would kill to have true safety for that many years. OK, not kill, I don't think, but you get the idea.

As you may or may not know, for whoever stumbles on this (pathetic) thing, my brother was once writing a blog himself.

Lost Within the Green Sky

I didn't know it existed until recently. I thought it would have erased or at least helped that horrible worrying feeling I had been having. With the abrupt ending the blog had, it probably made the feeling worse. Apparently he was worried about me as well. Not that I didn't expect he was, but to see him express it in words... it's really sad we never got to talk within the last year.

I refuse to believe he's dead. Or Shannon, even.

Daniel, if you DO see this, please somehow get in contact with me. I have a new e-mail, (that I may have to change soon). ForHanes@yahoo.ca

I've never really used anything social on the internet beyond Facebook (account long closed at this point), so when I found Danny's blog, I wasn't sure how to reach out. I figure I'll just use the same service for now. If I understand how labels work, I'll put relevant tags below...

One last thing, to Danny... I'm OK. I'm with a few people who are GOOD PEOPLE. They are keeping me safe for now, and have been for a few months now. I just need to know you're okay. I need to know what has happened to you.